


Being Alive

by DabblesinDrabbles



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-25 23:20:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9851351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DabblesinDrabbles/pseuds/DabblesinDrabbles
Summary: In which Rafael Barba tries to fight his feelings for a certain blonde haired, blue eyed detective. As told through the lyrics of "Being Alive" because why not?





	1. Someone to hold you too close

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a thought while listening to Raúl's recording of "Being Alive" and then the idea of how it connected to Barisi wouldn't go away...so this collection of drabbles was born. Hopefully I can do the ship and the song justice and bring a smile to people's faces while I'm at it!
> 
> This first drabble is short but I plan to increase their length as I move forward 
> 
> If you have any advice, comments, or helpful tips feel free to leave them in the comments! :)

   Rafael Barba was certain of most things in his life; he was certain he did not call his Mother enough, he was certain he drank too much coffee to be healthy, and he was certain he would never find someone he would actively want to marry. Now as he stood nursing a whiskey surrounded by acquaintances, friends, and the strange little family that made up the Manhattan SVU all gathered to celebrate Olivia’s marriage to Tucker he could possibly see the appeal for some people. As his gaze flittered from the dancing couples, Rollins with her new girlfriend, Fin with the women his son had finally successfully set him up with, and the happy couple right in the middle swaying softly along to the band he felt in his heart a small longing.

   “They look happy don’t they, Counselor” a kind voice sighed next to him and Barba couldn’t fight the smirk that crossed his face. Sonny Carisi, the ever present and ever moving detective, who never seemed to be anything less than happy, was watching their dysfunctional little family be glided around by their significant others with shining eyes. Barba had noticed that as the rest of the detectives were paired off slowly only himself and Carisi seemed to be the perpetually lonely ones, well Barba was lonely Carisi was the kind of man who never seemed to be alone, as he sipped his whiskey he couldn’t help but admire the softness of Carisi’s blue eyes and the dimples on full display. Before he could answer Sonny’s question, which Barba had only just remembered he had asked, Sonny tentatively turned his body and placed a hand on Barba’s shoulder, “Come on Barba, why don’t we join them out on the floor?”

     Sonny Carisi was eager like a puppy in all things, why should dancing with Barba be any different? The only problem was Sonny had never had any formal dance training, he and Barba both tried to lead and when they finally settled on a position that suited them the song had changed tempo. Rafael was ready to pull away when Carisi tightened his grip; the song had changed to a slow, soft tune that Carisi sang under his breath as he danced almost gracefully with Barba in his arms. Rafael Barba had danced with many men in his life but as the song played on he realized that untrained but always eager, soft but determined Sonny Carisi was quite possibly the most tentative dance partner he ever had even if the tightness of the grip he had would have been suffocating from anyone else.

    For once in the years he had known the detective, Rafael Barba realized with a start that he was no longer certain of his feelings about the detective and maybe just maybe that would be okay.


	2. Someone to hurt you too deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sonny says something he regrets...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my attempt at writing an argument between these two wasn't super melodramatic...
> 
> As always thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy it!

            If you asked most of the lawyers in New York City if they thought Rafael Barba had feelings many of them would, sometimes begrudgingly, admit that while he is passionate Barba is a stonewall with no discernible cracks. These same lawyers would be shocked if they had seen into Barba’s office one day while during a very tense case a certain blonde haired, eager detective made a chink in Barba’s carefully built brick façade.

                Maybe it was the late night, maybe it was the stress of the case but when Sonny slammed the evidence file down on Barba’s desk signaling he was done for the night Barba felt something snap, “Really detective? We’ve only been looking over these files a few hours and you want to throw in the towel? Maybe the law isn’t for you!” Instead of the sullen silence he was expecting, Rafael was met with the coldest tone of voice had ever heard Sonny direct to someone who wasn’t in the interrogation room.

           “Well counselor,” Sonny spit the word out like it was acid instead of the amused or awed tone he usually used, “some of us actually have people who love us to get home to!” Rafael was struck, a million thoughts rushing through his head and maybe it was shock that made him unable to come up with a retort. If Sonny noticed the lack of response he didn’t acknowledge it, instead all of his pent up frustration came pouring out without a filter. “See Barba some of us have families that we want to see more than once a week, some of us have responsibilities that go beyond what nice suit we’re going to buy or whose yacht party we’re going to over the weekend. When was the last time you ever even thought of someone other than yourself? When was the last time you checked in on your own Mother?”

        At the mention of his Mother, Rafael finally snapped back into action his anger cooling into the more dangerous steel voice he used when attacking criminals on the stand, “Detective, my personal life is none of your concern, you may leave.” Sonny’s anger seeped out of him as quickly as it had ignited, he flinched at the ice in Barba’s voice and he began to apologize but the look on the ADA’s face indicated that the longer Sonny stood in his office the more infuriated Rafael became so with one more word of apology Sonny grabbed his coat and left the other man alone in his office surrounded by the case files and the air of anger the two men had wrought.

       Over the next few days as the trial grew closer Carisi tried everything to apologize to Barba, even bringing fresh cannolis and expensive coffee to the other man’s office, Carmen wouldn’t let him in to see him but he gave her a cannoli anyways for her trouble. So it went, Barba either avoiding Carisi or pretending to not acknowledge his existence when they had to be in the room together. Finally, Olivia intervened and called Sonny into her office to try and understand what had happened. “Listen Lieu,” Sonny scrubbed a hand through his hair in distress, “I got angry and shouted at Barba but its not like we haven’t argued before, I mean you two argue at least every two weeks and he doesn’t shut you out.” Olivia smiled softly at the younger detective, “Carisi, when Barba and I argue it’s usually over a case, was that what you argued with him about?” Sonny looked away nervously, “Honestly it started out that way but I crossed a personal line,” he drew in a deep breath, “I..I said that Barba is selfish and doesn’t care about his own family.” Olivia’s eyes flashed in brief anger but the look on Sonny’s face made her realize that the younger detective already felt bad enough and what she was going to say was going to make it worse, “Sonny, do you remember the case with the author that you were such a big fan of,” Carisi nodded, “during that case Rafael lost someone who he was very close to..”

        Rafael rubbed his temples and glanced at the clock on his desk, the numbers read 11:30 PM. Carmen had gone for the night and the building was silent outside of his door or it was until a soft knock came on his office door. Barba tensed before he heard a familiar accent call through the door, “Counselor..er Barba can I come in?” Rafael sighed but told Carisi to enter, the young detective seemed uncharacteristically hesitant and Barba let a part of himself think about how almost sweet that seemed before he shut that part of his brain down quickly.

        Rafael gestured for Sonny to sit in the chair in front of his desk, letting the detective say what he had come there to say, “Look Rafael,“ Barba stiffened at the way his name sounded in that Staten Island accent, “I am sorry for what I said. I let my anger and exhaustion get the best of me, you are the best lawyer in this city and that is because you care.” Barba snorted at the sentiment but before he could snark back Carisi continued, “You are a passionate prosecutor because you have so much sympathy and empathy, I shouldn’t have questioned your commitment to the job and especially not to your personal life. You love your Mother and you loved your abuelita, it was wrong of me to ever imply anything less and I hope that you can forgive me.”

        Rafael sat in thought for a long moment before he spoke softly, “Carisi, I accept your apology, you were right that I do work too much sometimes and should’ve been more aware that you had other obligations. Lets put this behind us.” Sonny’s face erupted into a grin as he stood up quickly, “That sounds great to me counselor, now” he clapped his hands in excitement, “lets celebrate our new found understanding by grabbing some late night diner food. I know you have been here all day and with no dinner to boot.” Rafael couldn’t help but smile back as he considered the detective’s offer, finally he stood and stretched, “You know detective greasy diner food doesn’t sound so bad, plus I’ve been informed recently that maybe I shouldn’t work as late all the time.”

        If you asked any of the lawyers in New York City if Rafael Barba had feelings they would tell you that the man was a brick wall with no discernible cracks. If you asked a certain blonde, overly eager detective however he might tell a different story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on Tumblr! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sandsoftatooine

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sandsoftatooine


End file.
